The Decisions We Made
by Harmania
Summary: An old friend of Carlisle arrives with his coven in Forks. When something really strange happens as the vampires all meet, the coven is rearranged. How will everyone deal with the strange newborn Lana? OC-POV AU


**Chapter 1 – Struggling against… -**

Looking at me in the mirror still felt like looking at some stranger. It was hard getting used to looking like that. The pale skin, the crimson eyes, the glistening teeth. I felt like someone else and looked like someone else. It was weird; it was hard knowing that nothing would ever be the same again.

"Lana?", someone called me and I heard the shutting of the door behind me. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply. I shouldn't let them see my suffering, I thought to myself. It wasn't their fault. "Are you alright?" I turned and looked into the eyes of my opponent. They were nearly black, shimmering burgundy around the pupils. "I'm fine.", I said, feeling the rage bubbling inside of me.

He said nothing, just looking at me knowingly. "I know, it's hard…", he said silently, his voice wasn't more than a whisper, but – of course – I heard him clearly. The new sight, the new hearing still scared me. I heard things I didn't even want to hear. "Please, spare this." I said and turned away from him, taking some steps towards the window. I had heard often enough how they all had gone through this, how they all would love to be human again, how they all understood me so well. I wanted to throw up at the thought – if I had been able to throw up anyway.

"He had to do it and you know that." Alexis' voice was harsh now, he couldn't stand me struggling against what I'd become. In fact, he felt responsible – which he was – and moreover he was the one who never adjusted to this new life completely. "Right.", I said, looking out into the setting sun, I looked down at my arms, my bare skin glistened mysteriously. A second thing I would never get used to. Those weren't my arms, not really.

"Lana…" He stood right behind me now, I felt his breath, it felt normal, nearly warm against my skin, but I knew, if I had been the way I had before, it would cause goose bumps on my neck in its iciness. I drew my eyes away from my arms, looking at his reflection in the window. "You know, that I'll never get used to this.", I said.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to turn and cradle myself against his chest, wanting him to comfort me, wanting him – him of all people! – to ease my pain. A pain nobody could understand. He gulped, his eyes showing all the sorrow, his 200 years existence had caused him. "You will.", he said, his voice trailing off, as if it wanted to break down, release something of him I had never seen. "I have to.", I corrected him, turning towards him. He was much taller than me; I had to lift my head to look into his eyes. "Just like you had to."

We just stood there, never taking the eyes from each other, never blinking, never breathing. I was the only one of the coven, who understood him like that and he knew it. Did he feel weak? Did he feel relieved that there was somebody now to whom he could talk? I couldn't know and I didn't want to as well. The room around us went black, before he finally moved. "I'm sorry, this is causing you pain.", he said, clearing his throat. It felt weird, hearing his voice now. "I know you are.", I said and tried to force the new marble lips of mine into a smile. "I didn't want to upset you." He returned the smile and stepped back, I felt a wall rising up between us once more. There had been some incidents like tonight. Whenever I thought, we could read each other better than ourselves, but as soon, as one of us made a move backwards, it was gone, leaving us alone once more. So, he turned away and left me alone, closing the door behind him.

It was a week now since we moved to this place. It was some ancient villa at the edge of Washington; we had to relocate now and then, so that we didn't cause too much trouble in one area. It had been hard for them to move the last time, especially for Madelyn, she had just gotten used to the new environment. I destroyed it for them, as a newborn, I wasn't quite as adjusted to human company as they all were. It hadn't been nice; the papers had been full of horrifying articles about some serial killer, so that we left in a hurry. William had assured me that it wasn't my fault and that nobody would hold a grudge against me, but I knew, they did. The females at least. 'Well, I didn't really ask to join them, did I?' I thought bitterly, laying my cold fingers against the window, I had to be very careful, not to break it by accident. Nevertheless, if I hadn't become this, I would be dead by now. And although I didn't allow myself to think this a lot, I should have been grateful that William had changed me, well, stopped Alexis from killing me in fact…

**So, what do you say? Don't be upset, because there are no Twilight characters up till now. Give it a try! :) Lots of love, B.**


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